10 minutes with Farah's down-side

When i was younger, okla, actually eversince i was born..i wasnt just born like every other child in this world with a demure attitude and an impressive patient meter. Instead, i was born with the combination of my mom and my dad's unbelievable tantrum. well naw that they are older, they seem to have shifted their ways of releasing anger into something more..boring. my mum wud usually just sit infront of her computer typing away on whatever that she's doing. n my dad? FISHING. n not just fishing like all other people; under the bridge or likewise. he wud actually go out to the sea n just. . . .FISH. i can say that i noe my parents really well..when somethings not right, they wud express it in the (weirdest way?) safest way i cud call it because i noe they dont want me to notice or something. but u noe like how a mother can detect whenever her child's in trouble? its actually vice versa. i DO noe whenever my mum is upset or my dad is stressed at work.. and seeing how they handle their feelings n emotions, i start to ponder on the possibility that i am not their biological child. (so not true, my mum once almost tore away some poor makcik cuci tandas' face because she wudnt let my mum use the toilet, and my dad once scraped some bastards' car because the owner parked it right behind of my dad's big ass volvo) so, cut to the chase. .

When i was younger, i had really bad , n i mean really bad temper. my emotions were so unstable, just by some unlucky day for anyone, i cud be mad at even the simplest things. and when i had bfs in the past, uuuuhhhhh *merengus kesimpatian* MIND MY BAD MALAY LANGUAGE. i felt bad for them..i mean, i always shouted at my ex bfs. haha..to think about it macam kesian giller dowh..i was like one hell of a raging bull that cud kill anyone at any moment. n usually when im mad, i wud always punch my fist into anything that i cud reach for.. n usually i wud break something. there were times i had to pull out pieces of mirror that got stucked between my knuckles (good lord xde parut). it was that bad. i guess so much happened during my entire childhood n when i grew up, i didnt really cope with everything that happened in the pass or even present. so pendek kate, i was in a denial state n yang menjadi mangsa mmg bf i lah. n errr lemme think wat else i did..OWH..i cried alot..im such a cry baby, up to this day..well naw not so anymore la..but when i was younger, i used to cry alot whenever i felt stressful n mad. n i still remember till naw that i wud cry n brush my teeth so hard that my gum wud bleed. it was how i released all my anger. n i wud cry, n mumble till i fell asleep. phew. n my bf wud call n call n finally give up. good lord i salute u guys!!

N naw, after some long years, i have finally started to control my temper bits by bits..i have the smallest patient meter anyone cud ever have. (thats why i always remind everyone to not mess with me) because when someone upsets me, i get so grumpy n that may lead to something horrible n terrifying. seriously, u DO NOT WANT TO SEE ME GET MAD. who knew that a 5'2" little girl cud have such great energy n a freaking loud voice that wud sometimes make me look like i have been possessed by a satan.  haha..u can either ask my ex bfs, or my mum, or my sis or my brother. they all know how i am like when im mad. So, at the age of 21, i can sense that i have improved myself in controlling my anger. usually ill get mad when someone i love upsets me. it cud be my bf, my family members or my friends. orang lain kalau bwat hal slalunye i x brape nak kesah. but when people who love me do things that break my heart (i am byright the most sensitive person in the world) i wud be so devastated, that finally jealousy/sadness/upset-ness wud turn into ANGER. i wud usually cry of anger n not because of sadness. seriously. have u ever heard of the song 'hit 'em up' by TUPAC? yeah, u noe how he raps like a mad cow at the end of the song?

"Naw ur about to feel the wrath of the menace, nigga, hit 'em up"

That is exactly how i feel when im mad. i totally feel him. R.I.P Tupac Shakur. well anyway, instead of knocking n punching things. i have finally found an alternative way to release my anger. wanna noe what? ill tell u at the end of the story. its more dangerous from what ive ever done before, but i cant help it, n it seems that, that is the only way i can be OK after being mood-ruined. besides that, i usually listen to songs n sing along. that helps alot. n today, i drank 2 bottles of coughing syrup. man it tastes so good.

Did i just say today?

Have u ever cried , not cry like waaaaa(!!)...no, not like that..its like, u wanna cry out loud but the upside-down feeling inside u, is just like making u confused n ur brain misintreprets n stops ur eyes from pouring out. n u can feel ur face getting hot n u notice at one point that ur actually sweating...and uh..u place both ur hands on the sides of ur forehead n just pressing hard as if u want to just shove everything out of ur head. n spontaneously ur mouth utter or morelike mumble words. not really words, but the sounds of fighting agony..well, that was after downing those 2 bottles of coughing syrup. n not to mention chain-smoking.

N u noe what is the most unexpected thing i wud think of? is to drive down to eim's house n just sit in my car at his parking lot n just stare at his apartment's window. i dont noe why, but i have been thinking alot about him lately. maybe i miss him. well i do miss him. hmmm...not all those fights, no...just i needed someone to make me feel ok.. well, crap. that didnt happen. i dont think he wud wanna see me. EVER again.

so instead, i risk my life by not wearing any seatbelts. i ram up behind any fast vehicle infront of me. (n being raced with after). i dont stop at any redlights ('cept for any junctions with cars, im not that stupid thank u very much). i blast off the radio..i dont hit the brakes if i think its not necessary. i never brake at any corner i come to. i raced with a white TRD today. the driver got mad (since i ram up his butt), i got a little thrilled n laughed at him. i overtook him and he passed me by at some traffic light where i was turning right. he was suprised to see that after-all, it was a cute raging bitch behind the wheels of his competitor. so he wasnt mad but smiled back instead.

so i guess naw uve got ur answer. n yes. i release my anger by driving at the speed of 200km/hr. n also initiating other people's rage by ramming up right behind their butts n have a thrill or so by racing with them.

im a fast driver, im a safe driver.n yes, im a raging bitch.