Duchess FSZ

Duchess FSZ

Monday, September 12, 2011

Hiyya working peeps!

Sssshhhhhhhhh...im at my office. i just finished all my work and i have an hour left before i can leave, and facebook has been seriously boring, even my favourite handbag website didnt amuse me either. something is wrong with me. i NEVER. and i mean EVER feel bored loooking at handbags. Maybe im stressed out. I realllllly want a perfect birthday present or treat for my bucuk bucuk. and its so stressful!  why is it so hard to find a perfect gift for men? im sure tag-hoyay will be a superb birthday gift, but im too stingy and 5k for a watch is just ... zzzzZzzzz.. sorry im seriously not a fan of watches. i did found acouple of interesting Tag watches, in the Monaco range. but when the salesperson was explaining the exquisiteness of the watch, all i saw in his eyes were Balenciaga handbags. So i guess ill find something else. hi hi. actually i DID found something else. but im not gonna spill it here. ngeh heh heh. he'll be soo happy.. ;8) i just cant wait to surprise him and see that oh soooo mngade look on his face. ngeee... he has been complaining alot about how he wants a *tut* and how he needs a *tut* okay i know im not helping u understand this at all but sweat not my lovely friends, as i promise ill spill the beans once we've celebrated his birthday.

Soooo, he'll be turning 25 this year...awww...oh so tua. hahahaha. aih..i love him so much, he's so much mature now, sometimes i feel like a child! seriously, i dah la sangat mengada2, its like a dad-daughter relationship. euw. i did not just say that. i mean he truely cares for me like a man! hehe, idk how to say it, maybe u love birds out there will understand. anybody who has experienced true love wud understand ;) when u are accepted for who u are and he loves you no matter what eventho u have flaws, and mengada2! :8) this year god has been so nice to me. i can finally see a glimpse of my future, bright bright future! *insyaAllah*. because im gifted in such a way that i met sooo many successful people lately and insyaAllah, ill thrive to be one of those lucky ones driving behind BMWs and Audi's and lets not forget my one and only fairlady! success is what u choose and work hard for. it never comes just like that. im working towards that direction, and dear god, i hope next year will be even better! * i promise i will stop buying expensive handbags* :p ciao, its 5.30pm! :8))))

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

dedicated to the heavy ones

Dear bloggers, usually when i write and post an entry, i would never really go and check on it again. but recently, i read all  my posts, and they were kind of...spiritual. huhu. most of u must think that i hate god and have a sad depressing life. but believe me, i know better to never stop believing in GOD, and to tell u the truth, bila i sedih je i will blog. so thats how u get all the depressing entries on my page. hahaha. So, as i just mentioned, i am quite sad right now. haha, if not i wouldnt be typing on this goddamn laptop. but i guess, its not a major problem la. just, ive been quite tired lately thats all. and i have this really huggggeeee fear, like seriously. of becoming FAT. i know some people who used to be so goddamn skinny even a bird would get confuse and starts to land on their shoulders. and after 5 years, boom! they expand like a hot air balloon. sometimes, i just wonder...like what the hell happened to u man? what did ur parents force u to eat or something? because, its only logic that someone gains weight due to an OVERDOSE of calorie and lack of exercise. (thank god im a sportswoman). and on the other hand, some of the fat people whom ive known since i was small, phiiuh! alamak. like supermodel la. seriously. owh that one i know for freaking sure why. exercise and diet and the strict control of food consumption.

as for me. i can say that im quite proud of my body (e cheh ;-)) haha i mean, since i was 15 or so, my body weight seems to be constant, i never really gain any weight, nor lose any. i guess i am not skinny, and im not fat. im kind of in the middle. (OH SO PROUD) most people hate their bodies. i assume i speak for everyone when i say that its true. people are never really satisfied with anything, let alone how our appearances are like. tho actually i used to be partially anorexic when i was in my teenage-hood. maybe 18-19. seriously, i remember what i used to eat everyday. salad, salad, and salad. i would count every single calorie that i took per day. and i never exceeded 600kcal/day. hahaha. even gula2 pun i would count u know. and if i didnt know how much calorie it was, i would just put a rough reasonable figure and add it to my daily list. THAT BAD. seriously..and i think i weighed about 42kg. hehe. and now i am 45. hahaha. i know. not that much difference.but u know, if i weigh 43 and below, i am underweight? ;-) haaa....so there u go. i am 45 kg, and im proud to say that eventho raya storms in and out every single year, i can still have control and manage to lose weight until it reaches 45 again. usually ill gain 2 to 3 kg during raya. sometimes, i NEVER gain any kg AT ALL! even if i stuff my face with 2000kcal worth of rendang lemang, lontong and kuih muih, 3 days in a row.

i guess, there are 3 factors that contribute to this agenda. or miracle. or magic. or whatever u call it.
A) metabolism - im sorry, if u are born with a low, not-so-active metabolism , then.. i guess i have no advice for u. huhu. im sorry. i just know that u can improve ur met rate by exercising. and smoking is bad for ur health! :P

B) Exercise! (my personal fav) - okay so do what ever sports u want, it cud be anything, as long as u sweat for 30 minutes a day, ull be fine man. even naik turun tangga is considered exercise tau. but dont get me wrong. it doesnt mean if u play badminton, or clean the house, or whatever, ull get skinny and toned. u need a specific exercise routine for shaping that certain part of ur body. for instance, u have wobbbly ugly thighs full of cellulites. my advice? JOG WOMAN! dont just eat saltines with dip infront of the tv. get up and run or something. do laps, skipping or even aerobics. work? busy?tired? then dont complain ur FAT! most people do not take exercise as something important. they just feel like they are oh so busy with the corporate world and whatsoever. the key is TO MAKE TIME FOR EXERCISE. if u finish work at 6, then stop. why are u still writing and konon2 rajin infront of ur boss? if ur sick, ur boss is gonna fire u anyway. maybe even the insurance company will return all ur savings and cancel ur policy. dont think that ur young. you can do whatever u want (im advising myself actually, since i have been slacking off quite a bit) what? u think in 20 years, ull still look pretty and sexy? and those wobbly thighs are still adorable to ur man? dream on! wobbly thighs are ugly. but wrinkled, vein-bursting, cellulite-clad wobbly thighs? A pure disgrace. and people, its not only because of how u look like. its for ur own health. u are not getting younger people. so please. just becoz ur a ranting. celluliteless, oh so gorgeous, it doesnt mean ur healthy and u can skip exercise anytime. yang gemok tu. ha paham2 la sendiri.

3) Food selection.
-when u go to a mall, what comes first to ur mind? it wud be handbags, if ur asking me. :) hey lari topik! okay, about food. oh first thing pergi KLCC, Pizza. fast food. nasi bryani. bla bla bla. u know how much calorie a plate of ns bryani contains? hahaha. now ur scared is it?  i found this really cool website that has this database of food together with its calories, check it out a. cekodok.com. so whenever im at a restaurant, before ordering, i would just browse tru the website to give me a rough idea of how fat ill be in the next hour. haha. theres also this website that shows u what type of exercise cuts off the most calories. and how much calories ur supposed to lose- it is different for everyone, a skinny person doesnt have lose that much of calories as a fat person. theres a reason to that. its because the calorie uptake for a skinny person per day is ALSO diff than a fat person. so, skinny people. jangan ingat kau boleh melantak suka hati mak bapak kau je. fatter people get to eat more calories as they need more energy to move that heap of disgracement (ok thats not even a word) pendek kate. i cant eat 2 waffles but my bf can. haha. figure out sendiri la.

but unfortunately i dont have the website and i dont remember either. but im sure u techy techy people shud know la how to google and find out for urselves. so..do u feel better now, or u feel like killing urself? jangan. tak baik.it is true that u shud love urself for who u are. but remember, being fat can lead to alot of diseases. and by not doing anything to avoid that, it means ur a SINNER. berdosa. tuhan marah. sengaja letak diri dalam jeopardi. jeopardy sebenarnye. haha.ok la, cool ape jadi sihat and kurus. orang pun ramai suke. u pun rase confident. orang tak kutuk2 behind ur back.takyah lipat baju besar2. save ruang dlm almari. im mean right? but i dont give a shit la sbb im quite scared myself , hahahahaha. takut la sial jadi gemuk. but i will promise on my grandpa's grave(!!) that i will never turn fat, even after mngandung anak ke 10. i will never forgive myself if i turn fat, and ill carve a D on my forehead with my brother's machete. for Disgrace.

and thats how,
ms angkuh director movie panggil utk berlakon jadi BFF fasha sandha pun tanak,
sees it

*oh oh and please jangan jadi gile kate merokok boleh kuruskan badan. ajaran sesat adalah DOSA!!

Sunday, January 16, 2011


lately ive been thinking. ive been thinking about this incident that happened quite a while ago. I thot that i had already moved on. but it seems that the memories are not as vague as i want them to be. it sucks how you cant turn back time and be a better person that u wanna be. the wounds in my heart are still fresh and bloody. i am still that girl i was 5 years ago. i dont know if i can ever accept someone just the way they are. being closer to god is my next target. i have been reading this blog about all the details important in my religion-Islam. I feel that it fulfills my day , somehow. since i dont really think of that someone anymore. i know, i may not be as religious as other people, but i know deep in my heart, that i still have faith in him.

alot of people have been stepping in and out of my life. i learnt a bit or so from each relationship i had. but i am mostly regretful of the one relationship i wish i could fix and mend. only that its fractured and slowly slipping away. i feel so sad in my heart that i cry sometimes just thinking of it. i wish i could understand the dynamics of human behavior. i do not understand it, and it has caused a number of hurtful incidents. i am so sorry for not being the most perfect person on earth and i hope my absence will make u feel better and help u to be a better person.

Love always,

Friday, December 3, 2010


Byk kerje,
Cuaca panas,
Hujan lebat,
Tak cukup tido,
Client mengada2,
Kereta kaler hitam, panas
Tak tint2 lagi, panas
Period tak datang2, paranoid,
Peaches asyik punggah makanan die, penat mengemas,
Tak dapat selesaikan sume kerje before bf dtg, tension.
Salah faham dgn bf, gadoh, nangis, kene marah dgn syah, make up balik dgn bf, suke.
Tertekan sebab ada masalah accommodation, syah rase bersalah.
Penat nak fikir pasal accommodation..
Tgh tgk2 kat mudah.com, just utk bf.
Tak cukup minum air kosong, kulit pun stress.
Tertekan nak tunggu bf dtg sini, lambat lagi
Wlaupun 3 bulan je, tapi macam 3 tahun.
Rindu bf.
Penat asyik makan McD breakfast je dgn die.
Penat asyik kene drive balik sorang2.
Tension pakcik pemotong rumput asyik kacau i tido.
Benci tgk bintik2 hitam kat atas bibir bf.
Tension bf asyik letak tangan gemok atas bahu i. dahla berat.
Tak cukup makan makanan berkhasiat.
Letih letih letih!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Yabba Dabba

Here i am, sitting on my bed, typing away on this half-broken-but-still-working laptop of mine. The day feels gloomy. its nearly 12pm but the sun is nowhere to be seen. maybe even the mighty Lord noes and understand what im going tru and how i feel. How do i feel? Work has been really tough on me. When i first came to the MIEA training course, one of the lawyers had told me, 'Anyone can be a RE agent, but NOT everyone can be a RE agent' i was determined that this job is truely for me. and i do enjoy it. free working hours, meeting new clients at fancy restaurants and cafes. getting LOADS of money in return (touch wood). But i do realize one teeny weeny problem. its really mind challenging. and to be honest, with my bf being 50 million miles away, i have never felt so alone before in my entire life. i have lost a shoulder to cry on, an arm to hold on to, a hot body to tightly hug and cling onto,  soft lips to kiss, a.. err, nevermind.

The point is, i am feeling quite low these past few days. i have lost some motivation that ive built earlier in myself. I need my bf here so badly. :( i kind of miss him. but then again..i feel like missing him is just making things worse. so at the moment i have chose to go separate ways with him. im not sure if he understood what i meant the other day. sigh~ I cant imagine people having to cope with their bfs or gfs living so far away from them.like in the states of zuwembia (not too sure if thats a country)

Whatever it is. its hard. really. n i dont like it. i dont care if other people tell me that long distance is a normal n a doable thing. i just dont like it. im the type of person who needs to be hugged everyday. and to have dinner with everyday..and i like my hair to b played n twirled, (but not tucked behind my ear, ugh god no)..and i like the idea of having someone close to me whenever i need him. :( sob sob. today we were discussing on our current status. honestly, i have no idea. i wud love to be his friend still...but im not sure if i can treat him just as a friend. this morning when we had that talk, i asked him..'so macam mana kite sekarang?' then he replied, 'takpayah la persoalkan keadaan kite..kite same je mcm dulu, sampai skarang , sampai bile2..i nak kite bersama sampai bile2..' that was one of the nicest things he had said to me in a long time. there was a silence after that then i mentioned to him about of vacay next year to Bandung. and it seems that he's still interested. Hell yeah im going to Bandung! its the ultimate shopping heaven (to me at the moment, well thats wat everyone has been telling me, even Rohaizan)..sooo, 'do u still wanna go with me'? 'why not, i kan still bf u'...so i guess we are still a couple then? im quite confused. im not even sure if he's going to be at my birthday partay. oh god, that wud be awkward. who's going to dodoi me to sleep then? mmmmmm, i wan i wan..i miss and love him. im not sure i wanna be just friends with him.

Dah la i tgh dmm...its so frustrating to be upset about everything when u are physically and mentally tired. sigh~ Anyway, bib said that she wud be sad too if we'd ever break up again. seems that she really likes pali. i mean like who wudnt? he's so cute, n polite to almost everyone including all my friends, he doesnt dislike my ex bfs..he never forces me to watch stupid malay movies. he lets me pick our dinner spot.he doesnt pushes me away when i need him (only sumtimes when he's really busy at work) but still...he genuinely loves me for who i am. The only mistake he did was what i wud like to call past rite naw. everyone makes mistakes. he also did some mistakes in the past but i guess i can live with that..mmmm..im gonna wait for him to call. recently for the past few weeks, he has been calling me every nite to dodoi me to sleep..

mmmm, i have to figure this whole thing out!

Monday, August 23, 2010

Ive committed a sin.

I bought quite a lot today. shooooooooooes. which im not supposed to. and a bunch of bracelets and stuff. i feel so angry and annoyed with almost everyone recently. They're just getting on my nerves too much. MELUAT tau tak. MELUAT. Seriously. Ugghhh...!!!!!!! fiuh..okay. a little bit better. i almost bought a bag tonight T-T. U noe how dangerous it is for me to be in a bad mood? i cud spend 1k on my hair, just like that, without realizing. I did spend 1k on my sunglasses. OMG. I just feel like eveyone is not giving me the support i need. or maybe im expecting too much? noo. i dont think so. wat is the use of having parents and a bf if they dont support n understand me? there are times where i feel soo stupid that i just wanna break off with every single commitment i have and just work and enjoy life. n i dont have to listen to any crap anyone has to say to me. tension betul tau tak. thank god im not fasting today. because ive been swearing alot, mesti dah batal puasa. The thing is..long distance relationship is starting to get me. i just cant deal with it anymore. alone. i feel like im going tru it alone, n i HATE that. im such a stupid girl. someone shud slap me right naw. tension la sial. bodoh betullah. i give up la. serious shit. im choosing career as my top priority naw. despite the negative feedback my family is giving me.

wanna hear the truth? wat i truly feel?

I think i layan everyone else baik giller. sangat2 baik. and i dapat balasan mcm sebutir pasir tau tak. i usaha giller babi to make everything fine n ok. but, when i do it alone. i feel USED. so im not gonna let everyone else use me. when i dah stabil giller babi with my work, i can leave all of u behind coz im gonna be so inlove with my work none of u wud matter anymore. i simply dont care anymore. success is wat i want most out of life.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Its a dilemma, but a good one.

So remember when i said i wanted to do R.E in the future after i graduate.? it somehow backfired on me (not quite yet) because my family is giving me a hard time of not appreciating n supporting me on this matter. but thats okay. i will still pursue ur prawn business dad. n scientific sales for uncle hashim. and R.E for myself. and skin care product whatever for my step dad. what? u think thats a lot of job to do at one time?well u havent heard of my another job. which i am so happy i got it. :D he heheh he...well, actually i was just appointed today.=) im not gonna tell u guys yet. ur gonna have to read it in the next blog..hehehehe...today is just one of those days where i feel really lucky. if there is one thing that ive learnt today, its that putting all effort n too much effort in anything u do doesnt really help u sometimes. all u gotta do is lay back n relax. but be determined for the actions u take are those that count. i have come up with a new quote/ motto today.

Putting full effort in anything doesnt give u everything
Hehe, how do u like it? well, convocation is on tuesday. i am so psyched!! i cant wait to nod to my canselor n retrieve my scroll n honor n everything! bib's class at 4 will be cancelled. see, even her lecturer noes that i am too important for her,vice versa. ahhh...i truely feel lucky recently. i have alot of people around me who loves me n supports me (except for the R.E matter).

i am practically waiting for sara to come and pick me up. we are going to marriott putrajaya for dinner with my sis n her husband. i dunno if my mum is coming too. we'll c..anyway, i just came back from tioman n kuantan..dude, tioman was awesome. we basically went snorkeling almost every single day. the corals were soooooo beautiful, i seriously want a waterproof camera right naw. and i even had a swim with all sorts of fishes.fed them with bread sommore. ikan kerapu got. nemo got..we even saw a baby shark while we went to one of the islands for a quick swim at the waterfall.. the waterfall was seriously breath taking n awesome n magnificant all at the same time. the water was sooo cold n chilly n nice. it was a hot day too. seems like the weather there was totally on our side. in the days we werent snorkeling, it had rained cats n dogs, but on alternative days, it was sunny n everyone (including the boys at the cafe) were in a good mood and smiling all day long. owh n we also met TOMMY, who seem to be an environmentalist. he was doing projects for the turtles, life saving n stuff, n there was this one turtle who seem to be blind. her name was Jo. n she's a medium size green turtle. i dont noe if i or my mum took a picture of her.

welp, i gotta go naw. i hope marriott serves goose liver pate at their resturants. cause im in a mood for some fear-factor food. (btw, if goose liver pate was ever in the fear factor competition, i wud totally win, it taste awesome!)