Yabba Dabba

Here i am, sitting on my bed, typing away on this half-broken-but-still-working laptop of mine. The day feels gloomy. its nearly 12pm but the sun is nowhere to be seen. maybe even the mighty Lord noes and understand what im going tru and how i feel. How do i feel? Work has been really tough on me. When i first came to the MIEA training course, one of the lawyers had told me, 'Anyone can be a RE agent, but NOT everyone can be a RE agent' i was determined that this job is truely for me. and i do enjoy it. free working hours, meeting new clients at fancy restaurants and cafes. getting LOADS of money in return (touch wood). But i do realize one teeny weeny problem. its really mind challenging. and to be honest, with my bf being 50 million miles away, i have never felt so alone before in my entire life. i have lost a shoulder to cry on, an arm to hold on to, a hot body to tightly hug and cling onto,  soft lips to kiss, a.. err, nevermind.

The point is, i am feeling quite low these past few days. i have lost some motivation that ive built earlier in myself. I need my bf here so badly. :( i kind of miss him. but then again..i feel like missing him is just making things worse. so at the moment i have chose to go separate ways with him. im not sure if he understood what i meant the other day. sigh~ I cant imagine people having to cope with their bfs or gfs living so far away from them.like in the states of zuwembia (not too sure if thats a country)

Whatever it is. its hard. really. n i dont like it. i dont care if other people tell me that long distance is a normal n a doable thing. i just dont like it. im the type of person who needs to be hugged everyday. and to have dinner with everyday..and i like my hair to b played n twirled, (but not tucked behind my ear, ugh god no)..and i like the idea of having someone close to me whenever i need him. :( sob sob. today we were discussing on our current status. honestly, i have no idea. i wud love to be his friend still...but im not sure if i can treat him just as a friend. this morning when we had that talk, i asked him..'so macam mana kite sekarang?' then he replied, 'takpayah la persoalkan keadaan kite..kite same je mcm dulu, sampai skarang , sampai bile2..i nak kite bersama sampai bile2..' that was one of the nicest things he had said to me in a long time. there was a silence after that then i mentioned to him about of vacay next year to Bandung. and it seems that he's still interested. Hell yeah im going to Bandung! its the ultimate shopping heaven (to me at the moment, well thats wat everyone has been telling me, even Rohaizan)..sooo, 'do u still wanna go with me'? 'why not, i kan still bf u'...so i guess we are still a couple then? im quite confused. im not even sure if he's going to be at my birthday partay. oh god, that wud be awkward. who's going to dodoi me to sleep then? mmmmmm, i wan i wan..i miss and love him. im not sure i wanna be just friends with him.

Dah la i tgh dmm...its so frustrating to be upset about everything when u are physically and mentally tired. sigh~ Anyway, bib said that she wud be sad too if we'd ever break up again. seems that she really likes pali. i mean like who wudnt? he's so cute, n polite to almost everyone including all my friends, he doesnt dislike my ex bfs..he never forces me to watch stupid malay movies. he lets me pick our dinner spot.he doesnt pushes me away when i need him (only sumtimes when he's really busy at work) but still...he genuinely loves me for who i am. The only mistake he did was what i wud like to call past rite naw. everyone makes mistakes. he also did some mistakes in the past but i guess i can live with that..mmmm..im gonna wait for him to call. recently for the past few weeks, he has been calling me every nite to dodoi me to sleep..

mmmm, i have to figure this whole thing out!